Everlastingtruth.com

Phil thinks he has ADHD.

I think he’s just lazy and doesn’t like working.

Done. Where do I pick up my check?

Now I have to go to the freakin’ dentist. After 7 years of avoidance it seems fate has taken a cruel turn and is forcing my hand to dial the numbers on the phone in the correct order that will cause my dentist’s phone to ring. My real teeth seem fine, but tonight for no particular reason my fake molar decided to fall out. At first I thought it was a piece of food from a previous meal that I often store in the upper reaches of my cheek area, but when I bit down it was hard and not very tasty so I spit it out. That’s when I saw this.

I didn’t remember eating that, so I began poking around with my tongue and realized that I had an awesome gaping hole in my mouth! Like a 7-year old with a scab on his knee, I couldn’t leave the dang thing alone. I have had a fake tooth ever since my adult teeth came in because once my baby molar fell out they realized I didn’t have an adult molar to back it up, so they put a bridge in my mouth. Now I guess I’ll have to have them do it again….or will I? After a few minutes of poking my tongue through it I got curious as to what else I could put in my molar’s place. While the picture list below is not complete, it does show you how awesome it is to have a big nasty molar sized gap between your teeth. Super happy fun times!

Also, I don’t know why I’m not wearing a shirt. It just happens.

I swear I’m not turning my blog into a video blog, but this is way too good to pass up. Joel Mchale of the soup does a good job of setting up the clip so, please to enjoy:

I don’t know about you but this just cracks me up. Puts a smile on my face every time.

Since everyone says I don’t smile when I play the guitar I wanted to share this video. I’m working on Brian Setzer’s ridiculously hard ‘8-track’ and about 1:05 I screwed up. I just couldn’t get my fingers to find the correct chord and found it funny for some reason which generated a smile. One of these days I’ll figure out this whole song with solo and all, it is incredibly impressive and what’s even more amazing is that Setzer sings the whole time he’s playing this crazy stuff!

It’s funny the things that will randomly pop into your head while you’re just waking up. The other morning I woke up with the line from the title of my blog in my head. I kept quoting it and memories of being 13 years old came flooding back. All day I felt the need to see the clip of the movie it was from. Fortunately Youtube delivered like always and now I share it with you. Kudos to any of you that know which movie it’s from without looking down at the picture/video below.

Enjoy!

Last night I dreamt that I was part of an illegal cocaine packaging operation (as opposed to the legal kind). It was strange and I have no idea what in the world would prompt such a dream since I haven’t done cocaine in….never! I was in Mexico and the whole time I felt super guilty but I kept trying to justify it in my head. “Think of how fast you can pay off your bills, think of how the money can be used to send the nieces to college..etc”. In the dream I believed that my dad would understand but I was more worried about what my sister would think of me! This is funny b/c I know she already disapproves of my debaucherous ways! Anyway my lack of knowledge of how to package illegal drugs played out in the dream since I really had no idea what I was doing. At one point I spilled a bunch of the white powder into the wet sink and quickly tried to scoop it up and schlop it into a package…it was a mess and I was scared trying to hide my mistakes.

At least it’s good to know that I have some sort of conscience buried deep in my brain and dreams, after some dreams…..I’m not sure.

When I’m at work and I don’t have fingernail clippers I like to bite the corner of my fingernail and rip the rest of the nail off. I then usually aim for the garbage can and flick my fingernail fragments in the trash. Earlier, I must’ve been on the phone and flicking them in the air because after my bite and rip session, I noticed a small piece over on the edge of my desk. I quickly forgot about it during the hustle and bustle of the day and went about my business.
Hours later I was flipping through a report on my desk when I spotted a tiny little ant wander across my page. I smiled and waved at him and stopped reading to observe his activities. He was struggling with what looked like a piece of rice on his back. He’d pick it up, drag and pull it and drop it to take a few breaths. He finally was able to properly hoist the rice-like object on his back and make is way towards the end of my page. There were a few tense moments near the edge of the paper and I held my breath as I watched him navigate the quarter inch drop off from paper to desk (as I said he
was tiny). The struggle came in that he did not want to let the rice go but he also didn’t want to fall. He finally made his way to the desk and high tailed it (tiny, but fast!) off towards the colony presumed.

It wasn’t until I took one last good look at him that I realized, that wasn’t rice on his back but the fragments of my fingernail! I couldn’t help but smile at the thought of him panting and wheezing as he pulled that thing into the colony.

Little Ant:(panting) “Whew boys! You won’t believe what I got today….look at this! A whole grain of rice!”

Ant Friend: (takes bite) “Uuuh! That’s not rice! That’s human nail! What are we going to do with a human nail? I send you all the way out for dinner and you come back with nail….well this is just great.”

Little Ant: “:(”

This is pretty funny, especially if you wasted oodles of hours of your teenage life on Super Mario Brothers.

I think that homeless people should band together and form one massive sign shop. Because no matter what city you’re in it seems like all the bums are talented at making signs. If they’re hard up for moola, why not charge people for something they already do? I can’t believe no one has ever thought of this! As with any business it would take some time to get off the ground, so the higher up bums (I assume there is a homeless hierarchy) that are almost *not* homeless anymore could charge the new homeless people a usage fee for the signs they already made, something like 5% of the days earnings.

Once the business was rolling they could have real customers and make them signs! If the bums don’t want to open a sign shop, they should at least open a sign supply shop for streetless people like myself. This is an obvious gold mine because they never seem to run out of cardboard and sharpies! And I am constantly out of cardboard and sharpies. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve burned a cd and couldn’t find a sharpie, it is so frustrating! Pencil does not make for a good cd writing tool. I think they should use their resources to help out people like me.

All this homeless sign talk reminded me of the other week, I may have already told this story so if I have, read it again. I exited the freeway and pulled up to the stop light at the end of the ramp. As sure as sugar there was a homeless guy standing there with a sign. I had my window unrolled because it was the perfect cruise with your window down type of day. I wasn’t going to do the obvious window roll up and power lock ‘clunk’ like Phil does every time a raggedy homeless man approaches his car. So as the man approached I sat with my elbow on the sill, beboppin’ to my tunes.

‘Can you spare any change?’

“I’m sorry man, I don’t have any, but you can have this shiny red apple!”

‘I’d love to gnarl on that apple, but I ain’t got no teeth’

I looked up at the man as his face widened to reveal a gummy grin, indeed all he had was mouthful of air and red gums.
Then we both shared a good hearty laugh, because having no teeth is pretty funny.

Yesterday I got home from a crazy hard kickboxing workout session. I was tired, hungry and in serious need of some protein. I opened the fridge, there was nothing. I opened the cupboard, brushed away the cobwebs and pulled out my only option. One can of ‘Fancy’ cut green beans. I’m glad they were fancy because this is the only way I like my green beans. If you set a plate of basic, commonplace beans in front of me I won’t touch ‘em. It doesn’t matter how much pepper, salt or butter you put on them I won’t even give them a second look. Fancy is the only way to go.